


What He Wrote

by a_curious_aquarius



Category: Labyrinths of Astoria (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Is that still a thing?, Smut, Songfic, angsty smut, barely, post-Astraeus route, unfaithful MC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 05:55:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11434563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_curious_aquarius/pseuds/a_curious_aquarius
Summary: Astraeus was the only one who stood by your side, the only one who dared fight the Pantheon to protect you.Yet, even years after the fall of Olympus, your soul still calls out for the god you once loved more than anyone... the god who betrayed you the most.(Forgive me, Hera. I cannot stay.)





	What He Wrote

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song "What He Wrote" by Laura Marling - the italics are the lyrics I follow through the song. I highly recommend you give it a listen, especially while reading this fic!

_Forgive me, Hera._

 

You stared vacantly at the barren landscape laid out in front of you, the purple hue of the sun not betraying day or night. Leaning lazily against the wooden frame of the paper sliding door, you watched stray petals from Astraeus’ tree flutter to the ground, unaffected by the stagnant air of Tartarus.

Your husband slept behind you, his bare form wrapped in the red satin sheets strewn across the mattress. You could hear his even breathing, the sound soothing and steady despite the way your thoughts swirled with uncertainty. That defined him, your beloved - solid and safe, unchanging in the way he balanced out your chaotic soul.

After all, nothing ever changed in Tartarus. The air, untouched by any breeze. The landscape, its shifting sands only marred by stray footprints. The sky, a desolate violet hue swirling into sinister clouds. Even the inhabitants of this place were mostly unchanged; despite their freedom to explore Earth and Olympus, they gravitated to the familiar, rarely leaving their centuries-old homes and unwilling to make any lasting relationships with each other.

And however content you felt in your Titan’s arms, Astraeus wasn’t any different. He held you in his arms with all the warmth of a lover, same as the day before. And you loved him, you _did._  But...

You had never been one to settle for contentment.

As the night gave way to dawn, the sheets rustled behind you, and then his strong hands were on your waist. He pressed a sweet kiss to your neck, sighing your name happily against the skin there.

You smiled despite yourself, feeling affection blossom in the core of your chest. His palms snaked around your torso, locking you in his embrace.

“Good morning, wildflower,” he hummed, biting the sensitive area behind your ear. You squealed, playfully attempting to escape his grip. He laughed, the sound filled with his unconditional, unchanging love for you.

From his spot behind you, Astraeus couldn’t see the way your smile fell ever so slightly, dampened by the ruminating heaviness in your gut.

You loved him, yes. That hadn’t changed.

Nothing ever changed in Tartarus, after all.

 

_I cannot stay._

* * *

_He cut out my tongue,_

 

Your dreams were more vivid, these past few weeks. Marked by flashes of a life you no longer knew, _people_ you no longer knew. And hard as you tried, you couldn’t piece them together in sleep, and the fragments escaped you by the time you awoke.

In the morning, all you could remember was an all-encompassing purple warmth, though you attributed that to the violet rays of sun shining through the paper doors.

But try as you might, you couldn’t seem to shake these mystery dreams, the way they crept upon you in the night, slithered into every sliver of your soul.

You would awaken, gasping, drenched in sweat. Your husband was there to comfort you, a gentle hand pressed to the small of your back as he murmured your name over and over. You wanted to let him console you in your strange panic, but you always felt the urge to shove him away, to curl into yourself until nothing could touch you.

You felt lost and empty and _yearning_ \- for what, you didn’t know. But your heart threatened to break, nonetheless - heedless of your confusion. Your heart threatened to break under the tremendous weight of uncertainty and isolation, shattering under the sinister sense of imprisonment in Tartarus, by the heaviness of contentment.

One night, months after the dreams started, Astraeus stroked your hair as you slipped back into sleep, soothing you after another fragmented dream shook you awake. You breathed a sigh against your pillow, praying to absent gods for one night of dreamless sleep, just _one night._

Instead, you found yourself in an unfamiliarly familiar place, clear-headed in a swirling purple haze. For a brief moment, you felt serene and free - unshackled from everything that tied you down in Tartarus. You _felt,_ felt stronger than you had in years, and it burned through your veins almost painfully. You weren’t used to this anymore, in emotion so strong that it consumed you.

You blinked into the light, an easy, blissful smile on your face, as your gaze locked onto a pair of striking violet eyes.

Heart stopping, your skin prickled with gooseflesh as if you had been doused in ice water.

“Hades…?” you breathed, surprised that you even could find your voice.

He looked just as shocked as you did, his perfect lips parted as he stared at you. He murmured your name back, shaking his head as if he thought you were simply a delusion.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, a flash of anger coloring your voice. Stepping towards him, you felt similar fury flash in his eyes.

 _"You’ve_ been calling _me_ here,” he answered, eyes narrowing. “Why?”

“I - I don’t-”

Your words caught in your throat, Hades’ accusation catching you off-guard.

“I don’t understand.”

You noticed the way his jaw tightened minutely, still so in-tune with his more subtle movements. “Neither do I,” he said. “What would Astraeus think if he knew your heart was calling out to _me,_  after all this time?”

You grit your teeth, trying to stop your eyes from tearing up. “That’s not fair.”

“Is it not?” he asked sardonically, crossing his arms. “You banished all of Olympus for trying to bring Hera back.”

“You were going to _kill_ me!”

“You’re _selfish,"_  he retorted. “And-”

“ _Stop it-”_

“-and your mother would be... _so_ disappointed in you.”

With a start, you awoke, tears trailing down your cheeks and disappearing into the hair at your temples. “Oh, gods,” you breathed, a ragged sob shaking your body.

“Blossom?” Astraeus murmured from beside you on the bed, voice thick with sleep. “More bad dreams?”

He opened his arms to you when you didn’t respond, and you curled into his chest. He wasn’t what you wanted, wasn’t what you _needed,_  but he was _here._

“I love you,” he murmured, pressing his face into your hair.

In his arms, you cried until there was nothing left within you, and then you cried some more.

 

_There is nothing to save._

* * *

_He threw me away._

_He laughed at my sins -_

 

The next night, you found yourself staring into his violet eyes once more, still shaken from the night before.

He said your name in greeting, chin tilting upwards to look down on you.

“What was I supposed to do?” you asked without prompting, gaze unwavering.

“What was _I_ supposed to do?” he shot back.

“You were supposed to fight for me!” you yelled defiantly, taking quick strides to glare at him face-to-face. “That’s all I wanted! I wanted to know I was worth fighting for!”

After all this time, you were unused to how much he loomed over you. Once, he had been a shield, the way he towered over you a comfort.

“It wasn’t about you, or even _us,”_ he explained emotionlessly. “We needed Hera-”

"Because you  _killed_ her."

His mouth thinned, drawn tight from pain and remorse and barely bridled rage - though he offered no rebuttal.

"You know she didn't  _want_ to come back!" you continued, voice rising to a fever pitch. "You _promised_ her you wouldn't let them ever bring her back. Yet you were so  _willing_ to  _kill me_ to break that promise!"

Something softened in his stance as you yelled, like a rubber band snapping after being pulled a little too tight, a little too strained. You were right, and he knew it - and somehow, that subtle shift in his posture eased the anger in your chest. With your rage subsided, you could feel only bitterness and pain, a swirl of emotion that had stayed with you even when Hades had not.

“...Was anything between us real?” you asked after a long silence, feeling something within you break as you said the words aloud. Your voice trembled as you continued, “Did you ever love me?”

He frowned, head tilting up so that you couldn't see directly into his eyes. Perhaps there was something he didn't want you to see, to decipher. “Does it matter?”

You released a shuddering sigh, feeling small under Hades’ unknowable gaze.

“Of course it does.” You wrapped your arms around yourself, making yourself impossibly smaller.

Hades only stared, though you could see a crack in his indifferent demeanor.

“I… I loved you so much, Hades,” you admitted quietly. “And you just… you just gave up on me.”

Hades’ shoulders fell, his proud facade coming undone. “I never… I never meant to hurt you,” he said, voice impossibly small. “You are still the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

 _Are._  Present tense.

“Why…?” you asked, the rest of the question dying on the tip of your tongue. But he knew what you were asking, of course. He had likely asked himself the same question many times since the fall of Olympus.

“It seemed so hopeless to hold onto you,” he told you. “I just thought if I let you go, maybe it would hurt less when I lost you.” He released a shuddering breath, eyes full of regret. “If I had _known-”_

_“Shut up.”_

They were the words you had always wanted to hear from him, but now that you were faced with the reality of his remorse, of the self-loathing in his voice... it was too much, somehow. You couldn’t hear any more, couldn’t relive the pain of his betrayal, of how much he loved you, of how much you _still_ loved _him._  How happy he once made you, how _alive._

And how you had lost all of that in the blink of an eye.

“I’m… sorry.”

Your legs gave out from under you at his words, tears pouring from your eyes as your heart broke over and over and over again. You hadn’t known your heart could still break, but here you were, heart so full and broken that you could barely breathe.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him kneel beside you, hand resting on your shoulder, a small comfort. He pressed his lips against your forehead, a gesture you had once equated with safety, with love, and your heart threatened to burst.

“I’m so sorry.”

You knew you should shove him away, but you couldn’t find the strength. Feeling his warmth, his touch after so long - even in a dream - was…

It was everything.

 

_In his arms I must stay._

* * *

_He wrote:_

_“I’m broke._

_Please send for me.”_

 

Your fingers fisted into the fabric of his shirt, so tight that your knuckles were white.

“You have _no right-_ ”

“I know.”

And then his lips were on yours again, desperate and warm and overwhelming. He kissed you like a starving man, hands gripping at your hips like you would disappear at any moment. You kissed him just as hungrily, reveling in his touch and the pressure of his fingers, molding yourself against the hard lines of his body until their was no space between the two of you.

After all these years, this was still everything that you wanted.

 

_But I’m broken, too,_

_And spoken for._

 

You knew you should feel guilty, but in this moment, you couldn’t be bothered to care. Here, in your combined dreams, there was only you and Hades. Nothing else mattered but the touch of his lips, the press of his tongue as you drowned in sensation.

When you awoke, he would be gone, and you knew it. Astraeus would be by your side, press his lips into your hair, take you like a man in love. You would let him, welcome him into you as if your lips hadn’t just claimed another’s.

But these were just dreams, just shared consciousness.

So you let yourself be swept away by Hades’ touch, finding comfort in these small moments away from contentment, away from your unchanging life.

 

_Do not tempt me._

* * *

_So I asked him how he became this man?_

 

His breath caressed your face, out of control and erratic.

“I still love you,” Hades murmured, pressing his lips to your forehead. “I wish…”

“Yeah,” you said back, trying to stifle the tears that threatened to escape. You couldn’t handle those words, handle his love. “Me, too.”

You knew the morning was rapidly approaching, and so was the end of your nightly love affair. You wanted nothing more than to live here, in his arms, but that wasn’t possible, and you both knew it.

“I will always be yours,” he promised.

Your eyes opened, and he was gone.

 

_He had to leave, though I begged him to stay._

* * *

_Left me alone when I needed the light._

_Fell to my knees and I wept for my life._

 

Astraeus knew something was off. He was your husband, after all, and had been with you for years.

He knew, more than anyone, how ruined you were because of Olympus’ betrayal. Because of _Hades’_ betrayal. For the first few years after, you had dreamed of being taken, being erased by Hera while the whole Pantheon watched.

Astraeus had been the only one to fight for you, and you were eternally grateful.

But you had loved Hades with your whole being, and if he hadn’t…

Your husband didn’t know the depth of your confliction, of the fight between your heart and mind. Astraeus was safe, comforting. He would always be on your side, but... you loved Hades, even after all this time, after all he had done. You loved him more than you would ever love the Titan.

He tried to hold you close, keep you from pulling away, but it was too late. Your heart had been thrown into chaos, and there was no going back.

_I’m sorry, Astraeus._

 

_If he had’ve stayed you might understand._

_If he had’ve stayed you would’ve never taken my hand._

* * *

_He wrote:_

_“I’m low._

_Please send for me.”_

 

You felt like the air had been stolen from your lungs as you stood in front of the god, in the flesh. The air of the god’s own Tartarus, their own _hell_  was stifling, heavy, but you couldn’t be bothered to care. Hades was here, warm and real and _touching you_ , and that was all that would _ever_ matter.

He pushed you into the ground, body covering the entire length of your own as he pressed into you, making your head swim at the pleasure that coursed through your body.

 _"Gods,_ Hades,” you moaned, wrapping your arms around his neck. He kissed at the tears that rolled town your cheeks, slowly healing every painful wound within you. “I love you. I love you.”

He shoved into you, slowly and steadily, bringing you to a euphoria you had only ever known with him.

“I love you.”

 

_But I’m broken, too,_

_And spoken for._

 

You came home before dawn, Hades teleporting you back to Tartarus while Astraeus still slept. He kissed your forehead in parting - safe, solid, secure.

You knew Astraeus could smell him on you by the way his eyes tightened with pain, but he said nothing. Maybe he had known about your dreams, maybe he had seen this coming. Or maybe, if he didn’t speak of it, your infidelity didn’t exist. Maybe you were still his and his alone.

He welcomed you into your shared bed, like always, kissing the top of your head as if nothing had changed.

Nothing ever changed in Tartarus, after all.

 

_Do not tempt me._

* * *

_Forgive me, Hera._

_I cannot stay._

 

You fell asleep in his arms that evening, heart thundering in your chest like an unsteady drum. You felt more alive than ever, skin still tingling from Hades’ touch.

But… your thoughts were in disarray, nonetheless.

Once upon a time, you had thought the spirit of Hera had protected you from the selfish ways of Olympus, helping you punish them for their arrogance and self-centeredness. But… perhaps she was being selfish, herself - locking the gods away to Tartarus before they could bring her back.  

Maybe she had _used_ you, not caring what happened to you as a result - just like the Pantheon. And now you were condemned to this life, stuck in the arms of a husband who could not satisfy you.

Stuck loving someone who could no longer give you a future.

 

_In his arms I must stay._

* * *

_We write:_

_“That’s alright.”_

 

His touch was punishing in the sweetest, most sinful way, fingertips running along the curve of your waist. He was buried within you, face resting at the crook of your neck, lips spilling your name like a litany.

You cried out, coming undone as he spilled within you, his body shuddering with relief. Relief that, in these moments, you belonged to each other and no one else.

“I love you, my goddess,” he murmured into your hair, keeping your bodies connected until your oversensitive body could take no more. “...I’m so sorry.”

You had forgiven him long ago, _somehow,_  yet he still felt the need to say it.

“I know,” you murmured, kissing the crown of his head. Pulling back, you noted the bags under his eyes, the weary set of his mouth, and your heart wrenched painfully at his own pain. “I love you most.”

You would miss this when you left again for the night, back to Tartarus, as you always did. In Astraeus’ bed, a piece of your soul was missing.

But for now, you were alright. Both of you were. You had each other, and you could delude yourselves into believing this was real, if only for a moment.

You curled into Hades’ embrace, inhaling the scent of him, the scent of _you_ on him. It was familiar, comforting, and you could drown in its warmth.

 

_I miss his smell._

* * *

_We speak when spoken to,_

 

“I… I can’t believe it.”

Astraeus pressed his fingers against the curve of your abdomen as if he could sense the life within, an elated grin curving the corners of his mouth.

You sighed, relieved by his excitement. “Neither can I,” you said once he had responded, having been too afraid to speak before you knew how he would react.

You tried your best to echo his elation, though the attempt was weak and pitiful. Wrapping his arms around the curves of your body, he spun you in a circle, overjoyed and overwhelmed.

_Family._

You felt sick to your stomach.

 

_And that suits us well._

* * *

_That suits us well._

 

Hades’ fingertips dragged along the skin of your stomach, sending butterflies into a flurry. You sighed softly, hands curling into the light purple strands of his overgrown hair. You tugged at them, pulling his lips down to your own.

“I love you,” you murmured, though the words were bittersweet. “I love you.”

He held you tighter, palm pressing flat against your abdomen. He gave you a small, sorrowful smile, and you pretended (just for a moment) that this was your future -  just the two of you, lost in each other, building a home.

But it could never be.

“And I love you.”

 

_That suits me well._


End file.
